


You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone...

by purpleWhimsies



Series: Truth Behind the Lies [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Humanstuck, M/M, Other, POV Second Person, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-06 09:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1853227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleWhimsies/pseuds/purpleWhimsies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk goes through a tough time after having a very bad run in with his lover and is drained completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark City

It’s cold. Why was it so cold? 

You open your eyes and look up to see warped and rippled imagine of what you believe is your shared bathroom. You turn your head, a bubble of air rushing from your nose as you exhaled. Why are you in such cold water? Right. The argument. The one that resulted in this situation. 

“!!!” A call came from the direction you thought the door was placed, the sound was too muffled to make out clearly but you’re sure it was your boyfriend. Fretting for your life. Why? He’s the one that pushed you this far, wasn’t he? 

Before you knew it you were being pulling out of the ice cold water and strewn across the almost warm and welcoming tiles of the bathroom floor. There were others surrounding you but you don’t know why. They were pressing against your chest and it hurt. It hurt so much. Their pressing became harsh, more violent. 

Bu-Bum. Bu-Bum. Bu-Bum. 

The pounding of your heart rang loud in your ears and you groaned. The pressing stopped and there was loud talking, near shouting as you were hauled up into strong arms and raced downstairs. You opened your eyes long enough to make out that you were taken outside, being shoved into an ambulance. What was going on? That was your last thought before blacking out again, head lolling to the side gently as the vehicle began moving. 

\-----

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

You crack open your eyes slowly and blink, the steady beeping had roused you from what you’d thought was a peaceful rest. You groan softly and shift your body to sit, feeling the ache of every bone in your body. “shit…” You let out softly. 

There was a stir to your right and you turned to look at what or who made the noise. You frowned deeply. Bro? What was he doing here? The man you were looking at was clad in a suit, which even for him was odd. You cough a bit to wake him. It usually worked back home when you needed something, hopefully it still did the trick. 

Bro blinked and nearly shot out of his seat. “Dirk. Holy fuck.” He stood up and walked over to you, arm tight around your shoulders in the warmest hug you’ve received from him in a long time. “I thought I lost you.” He sounded so…. scared and hurt. 

You reached up and pat his arm. “What do you mean? Lost me?” Your words were light yet enough that he heard you. 

“Don’t you remember?” He pulled back and cupped your jaw as you shook your head in response to his question. “Do you remember anything at all?” 

“I remember it was cold. That I was cold, then I was being taken away.” You look up at him, orange eyes searching him for answers. 

“I’m so sorry, Dirk….” Bro frown and hugged you again, this time a hand running comforting finger through your fiery hair. You rested your forehead to his shoulder and shook your head a bit. There are so many questions you have but you’re so tired. You figure you can ask them in the morning, or later in the day. You had no idea what time it was.

You moved and rest your chin on Bro’s shoulder and speak in that same light, airy voice that your body as grown accustomed to allowing you to use. “I’m tired…” 

“Alright, Yeah. Get some sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours right? I’ll be right in that chair when you wake up.” Bro pulled away with a sniffle, and pushed your messy hair out of your face. He had a sad smile on his lips. Weird. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead before pressing his own to the place his lips touched, causing you to groan a bit and him to chuckle softly. “I’m glad you’re safe kid.” 

You hum happily and reply. “Thanks Bro.” 

After your exchange he left, leaving you to your own devices. Which wasn’t much considering you were stuck in a hospital room by yourself. How did you even manage this much? Oh wait, Bro. You shook your head once again and heaved, taking a quick look around everything . Bathroom, Television, A desk, and end tables. It felt much like a bedroom and it helped sooth you. Hospitals were terrifying as it is, so the comfort of a homey setting was relief enough. You glanced down at your hand placed in your lap and froze. Around your wrists were two thick white bandages. What the hell happened? 

\-----

You shift in the bed and huff air from your nose. Loud chatting and the shuffling of paper begging for your attention, you open your eyes and look around. A flood of familiar faces hit you.

“When Dirky wakes up I’m telling him how much of a loser you are.” The quirky New York accent hit you, making your lips twitch into a smile. 

“Oh yeah and what’ll he say to me? ‘Oh nerdy hacker boy, take me away to your weird wonderland of wires and technology.’” A snide and lisp heavy voice called back from your other side.

“Or ‘Oh mister Captor, you are such a mega dweeb.” You grin and sit up fully. 

“Dirky!” Roxy cheered and clapped. “See Dirky here knows what’s up!” 

“Whatever.” Sollux shook his head and turned to leave the room. “I’ll go get one of the doctors to come check on you.” 

“Have fuuun!” Roxy waved after him and then turned back to you with a sad smile on her soft painted lips. “...Dirky…” 

You smile at her and pat the bed next to your body. “Come sit.” 

She walked over and curled herself up to your side. “How’re ya feeling?” 

You sighed and leaned back. “I’m confused mostly. I don’t remember anything for last night.” 

“Last night… Dirky. You’ve been out for three days.” Roxy looked up at you with a sad pout on her lips. 

Three days? How did you end up unconscious for three whole days? You tensed and she noticed, reaching over and wrapping her hand securely over yours. 

“Tell me what happened?” You asked, looking down at her from your sitting position. 

“Well…. I got a call saying that I needed to get to your apartment like asap. There was yelling and arguing so I got worried and came over. When I actually got there you were no where to be found and you little housewife kept screaming and crying and whaling. God he’s got some pipes. Anyway I went looking for you and then….” She stopped for a second and squeezed your hand.

“Rox?” Your eyebrows scrunch together for a moment. 

“Dirk… You were almost gone when I pulled you out of the tub.” She said, her voice shaking. “You were almost dead, Dirk. I didn’t think… What happened to make you….” She was crying now, you could tell by the way she was shaking. 

What did make you do something like that? 

There was a click from the rooms entrance and the door slowly pushed open. “Hello?” That voice, your eyes widened and your body tensed. “Am I allowed to come inside?” 

You swallow and croak. “Yeah. Yeah come in.”


	2. Faults

You rolled over in your bed, reaching an arm out to wrap it around your boyfriend, wait… matesprit. Opening your eyes abruptly when you didn’t feel the unnatural warmth that welcomed you so willingly. You sat up and looked around your oversized bedroom, hoping to see the ever present bright colour that you’d come so accustomed to seeing. You rubbed the back of your thumb over your eye, pushing the sleep from your eyes. 

“I understand that but…” Your attention picked up when you heard his voice from the living room. You pushed yourself out of the full sized bed and made your way out of the room, following the voice that carried all the way to the back of your apartment. “Cronus I can’t rightfully say I know that answer to that, He’s a very self kept person.” 

Him again. They’ve been together so much recently and it’s wearing on your already taunt emotions. He seemed so invested in spending time with the other that you could swear something deeper was happening. You frown and clench your fist tight to your side, trying to get the shaking in your muscles to stop. You stood, frozen, for what seemed like an hour. Listening and hanging on every word that you supposed lover said. 

In the last few months you had for that your biological mother, that woman whom gave you life, was very ill. You had lost the only job you had a true passion for. Your youngest brother, Cal, is also very sick and no one knows what caused it. Your university is threatening to remove you under false accusations. Now to top it off you’re pretty sure your boyfriend is cheating on you, with his best friend. You hadn’t been motivated enough recently to do what you normally would during your days, for the past week and a half. It was too tedious to be bothered with anything in your state.

The call had ended and he sighed heavily leaning his head back on the couch. You coughed, causing him to open his eyes and look at you, shock written clearly on his face for a second. “Dirk? When did you get there?” He sat up and turned himself to look at you. 

“You weren’t in bed.” Your frown deepened and nails began to dig mercilessly into your palms. 

“Yes, I apologize I didn’t believe it would be a problem. I had receive a call from Cronus and moved here to answer it.” He blinked at you a bit of confusing replacing his shock. 

“You were talking about me. With him.” You could feel the trickles of blood drip down your fingers.

“Well yes. I am concerned for you Dirk. I sought out assistance from him seeing as I did not, and still do not, understand what I could do to help.” He moved off the couch and over to you, placing his overly warm hand on your wrist. “Dirk, please, I would like to help but I can’t if you are going to continue to be as solitary as you are being. Talk to me. Please.” 

Solitary? Is that a joke? He hadn’t bothered to ask you what was wrong, or what had happened over the last few days to put you in a “solitary” state. He just talked at you, lectured you on how you should get out of the apartment, and get yourself together. How things could be worse off and that you can’t let your emotions hold you back. It made you angry beyond reason, that he would just blow off your own well being like that. 

You jerked you hand away. “Don’t. Touch me.” You growl through your teeth and feel your face heat as the anger you had been holding back bubbled over. 

“Dirk what are you--” He tries to reach for your shoulder but you step back. 

“You don’t care about me do you?” You look at him, face flushed red from frustration. 

“Of course I do! What could ever make you think otherwise?” He frowns, head tilting smally in confusing. “I can’t believe you would even assume such from me. After everything we’ve been through. After everything I have /done/ for you.”

“And what would that be? Lecture me? Try me like a child?” You sneer at him. 

“In the current moment, you are acting like a child.” He sneered back and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“See?! There it is it’s always about /you/ isn’t it?! You don’t give two shits about me and what’s going on in my life!” You shake your head and feel the tears roll down your cheeks.

“I am /not/ to blame here, Dirk! You know something, I was going to attempt to help you but if this is how you are going to act I will take my leave!” He snarled and headed back toward the bedroom, You follow him staying in the doorway. 

“You’re not even going to pay attention to this are you? You are just going to ignore it like you always do?” You glare at him as he begins pulling out a backpack from the closet. 

“I am /not/ the one who is lacking focus in this, Dirk. I would appreciate it if you did not change the subject to /my/ supposed faults, where this should be focused on your own.” He says as he shoves a few sets of clothing in his bag. 

Your jaw locks and your eyes squint. “Cronus has been hanging around here a lot lately.” You knew this was off topic but if you were airing your dirty laundry you might as well get everything out now. 

“Yes, and what if he is? Am I not allowed to have friends now? Am I not allowed to enjoy the company of someone other than yourself?” He forces his bag closed and turns to you.

That was it the final tip that made you completely lose your cool, the tears streaming faster down your cheeks. “AT LEAST I DON’T FUCK MY FRIENDS!!!” Your fists shaking violently at your sides and your orange eyes fixed on him. 

He looked dumbfounded, his nose twitching in that way it does when he is particularly upset by something. It’s funny how even when you are arguing with him, you can pick up quirks and body languages to point out that you’ve hit a nerve. He walks up to you with his bag placed carefully on his back. “How dare you assume I would ever do something so low, so vile to you. I /DO NOT/ FUCK HIM. I DO NOT FUCK ANYONE BESIDE YOURSELF, AND FOR YOU TO STATE AND ASSUME SOMETHING SO DISGUSTING…. I do not have the proper words to describe what I am currently feeling.” He shoves passed you and heads out of the room. 

You watch him make his way to the front door and nearly run toward him, grabbing his arm. “Where are you going? To see him aren’t you?” You’re being irrational, unreasonable really, but your mind is working on autopilot and theres no stopping your mouth from moving on its own. “How long have you two being fucking? Bet he hasn’t made you feel nearly as good as I do.” 

His jaw drops and he yanks his arm out of your grip, pointing a finger into your chest. “You’re a real piece of work, Strider. I’m done having this conversation, come get me when you’re rational again. I’ll be at Porrims.” He turns around to walk out but freezing as you called after him. 

“FUCK YOU KANKRI!!” Your body is shaking and your tears have stop but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the look on Kankri’s face when you open your eyes. He was staring at you, cold and uncaring, a look you’ve only seen once before. 

“Go die, Dirk.” And with that he was gone. Leaving you all alone.


	3. Forgiveness

You two sat in silence for a long time. Roxy decided to leave and see what was taking Sollux so long, saying you two could use the alone time. 

You watched Kankri, who sat unmoving to your right. Why hadn’t he said anything? Just sitting there and staring at his lap; it was making you uncomfortable. You needed to speak up before this silence got anymore awkward. 

“Kankri.” You said, shifting in the hospital bed to get a better look at him. 

He jumped, but still didn’t look up from his lap. “Dirk….I am…” He stopped and took a shaky breath before looking up at you. He looked awful. His hair unkempt and sticking together in clumps on his head, his eyes puffy and red from obvious crying, lips dry and cracked like they hadn’t seen the likes of moisture in a decade. His voice was worn and tired. “Dirk…. I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted so poorly.” 

“I shouldn’t have made false assumptions.” You admitted. 

He shook his head and looked up at you. “No… You had every right to be upset, and assume that. I haven’t been treating you properly and it is completely my doing. You risked so much on my behalf and all I could do in turn was be selfish and cruel. I should have known better than to take for granted your kindness and emotions. I’m a disgrace as your matesprit. I can’t even begin to fathom why you--” 

You sighed and pushed a hand through your hair. “Kankri….” He continues. “Kankri….” Still going. “Vantas.” He stopped and looked at you. “We fucked up, We made mistakes, and at this point, we need to either fix them or move on. You’re my matesprit, right? Then we do this together. Share our burdens and all that happy horse shit.” 

Even when you were at your lowest point, from what you’ve been told, he came back. He came back and no one can fault him. Not even you, yourself. You looked at your arms again, noting the missing IV and moved to swing your legs over the side of the bed. He jumped and stood straight up, moving close to you to make sure you didn’t fall over and hurt yourself. You hold your hand up to let him know that you’re alright.

“Come here.” You call him closer.

He looks at the door, then back to you, giving a small nod. He sits on the bed next to you. 

“Humans are weak, and quick to make decisions that can affect us for the rest of our lives. Short as they may be.” You wrap an arm around his waist. “When people take such drastic steps like I did, we need to recover, build our nerve back up, and see that things aren’t as bad as they could be.” 

You were honestly surprised Kankri was sitting there listening to you. What you’re saying isn’t new to him seeing as he’s been here for a long, long time. 

“I’ll be okay, but it will take time for me to get back on my feet… And I want you to be there when I do.” You say, lacing your fingers through his. “So don’t go anywhere.” 

Kankri nodded and looked at you. “Of course. I do not believe I would like to be anywhere else.” He leans up and kisses you gently. 

The door to you room flies open and you jump back. “DIRK! KRIKRI! KATKAT JUST TRIED TO LICK ME!!” One of your younger brothers, Dave, ran into the room.

“WELL HE SHOULDN’T HAVE HIT ME!!!” Kankri’s younger brother ran in behind him.

“NU-UH! I JUST GAVE YOU A LOVE TAP LIKE BRO ALWAYS DOES!” Dave looked at Karkat and stuck out his tongue. 

Karkat’s face lit up as he puffed out his cheeks, grabbing the bottom of his shirt. “Dave you’re a meanie!” He shouted, running over to Kankri. 

“No way! I’m the coolest of the cool, right, Dirk?” Dave asked, strutting around the room like a peacock. 

“The coolest lil’ man, the coolest.” You smiled and watched him pester Karkat.


End file.
